Developing emotional intimacy can be difficult. Allowing yourself to open up and be vulnerable can be scary, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Here are some things you can do to overcome your fears and develop emotional intimacy:
Ask Questions
Sometimes our insecurities create anxiety about asking certain questions or having certain discussions. In order to develop emotional intimacy, it’s important not to give in to this anxiety. Ask your partner about their past relationships and why they didn’t work out; ask about what they want in a partner and about their future goals. Make sure to talk about all the things that are important to you. A common fear people have is about bringing up these topics is scaring the other person away, but remember, the right person won’t be scared off. It’s also important not to bombard anyone with these questions, do it slowly and at various times get this information.
Open Up
Our insecurities also can keep us from opening up. However, keeping walls up and not disclosing more intimate details about yourself can be a big roadblock to creating intimacy. It may create a disconnect between the two people involved. Share with your partner the same answers you are seeking from them (i.e. past relationships, future goals, etc.). Think about the details about you and your life that color who you are and define you as a person and make sure to divulge all these things throughout the course of the relationship.
Talk about the relationship and what emotional intimacy means
Part of developing emotional intimacy is making sure you both are on similar pages. It is important to know where your partner stands and what they are thinking in regards to the relationship. Additionally, understanding what emotional intimacy is to your partner and expressing what it means for you can help to facilitate such intimacy. It is important to do this periodically, and can be especially helpful if you are feeling that there is a current lack of intimacy.
Express your needs
A big part of experiencing emotional intimacy is feeling safe and comfortable in the relationship. Remember that people are not mind readers, and you can’t assume your partner knows what you want and need from them. Therefore, let them know. Whether there is something specific to this relationship or more general to you as a person, it is important to communicate your needs, wants, and feelings in order to develop emotional intimacy and create a successful relationship.
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC
Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She also serves the Village, Chelsea, Union Square, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.
Empower Your Mind Therapy’s mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and find more happiness and satisfaction.
