Are there times when you feel like you can’t cope? Maybe you have a lot on your plate? Or something threw you for a loop? No matter the cause, that “can’t cope” feeling is overwhelming, leaving you at a loss as to how to proceed.
Let’s take a step back and talk about what it means to cope. Coping is defined as the ability to successfully and effectively face, navigate, and manage responsibilities, problems, difficulties, or stress. When you can’t cope, stress and emotions take over and you may feel paralyzed. You are stuck in inaction, not knowing what to do or how to help yourself. The question is how can you deal with these times of “I can’t cope,” and keep them from happening?
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU CAN’T COPE:
- Check for biological sensitivities. When your physical wellbeing is in stress, that affects your mental state. Sometimes not being able to cope comes from needing to take care of your body. If you are sick, make sure to take care of yourself. Ensure that you have taken any necessary medications, are eating and sleeping, and keeping up with your regular exercise routine.
- Refer to your skills. List the things you have tried to do to cope. Oftentimes, you can’t cope just for lack of trying. The stress sneaks up on us and we freeze, rather than say “what can I do to help myself here?” Think about the things that generally help you cope and navigate stress. If you don’t have skills in your toolbox, take time to learn some before you get to that can’t cope place. Refer to the free guide below to help you get started on building skills. Ask for help and support when needed.
- Question your willingness. Ask yourself if you are putting in effort to problem solve or cope. It can be easy to fall into willfulness (i.e. stubbornness) and just wallow in stress and self-pity. Taking the time to acknowledge that will give you the power to move into willingness and do what you need to cope.
- Check for emotional overload. Ask yourself if you are too overwhelmed or the emotions are to high to do anything. Trying to fix the problem or move forward when you are not ready is counterproductive. Stress is unpleasant, and it can be easy to jump into problem solving. The trouble is, often you first need to address your emotional state before you deal with the situation and the external factors. If this is the case, give yourself time to acknowledge your feelings. Then take a few moments to separate from the situation, and give yourself a pause. That way you can come back to the problem reenergized and with more clarify and ability to do what is needed.
- Assess for judgements. Check in on what you are feeling about yourself and any judgements you may have about yourself and your emotions in the situation. Many times the line between coping and not coping is expending extra, unnecessary, unfair energy on beating ourselves up. Therefore, it is important to look for judgements. Look for thoughts like “I am such a screw up,” “I am stupid,” and “I can’t do anything right.” Look for judgements about your emotions, such as “It’s stupid I am feeling this way,” or “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”
It’s hard when you can’t cope. The above steps provide you with guidelines to help get out of that state. However, the key is to prevent it from happening. Stay mindful of what is going in your life and how you are feeling. Regularly check in with the things that make you vulnerable to being overwhelmed. Fill your coping toolbox and work on not being so hard and judgmental on yourself. That way you can regulate the stress and emotions before it becomes too much and feels impossible to manage.
You no longer have to feel that you can’t cope. Set yourself up with the ability to manage stress and all that comes your way. Download your stress management guide here
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC
Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She also serves the Village, Chelsea, Union Square, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.
Empower Your Mind Therapy’s mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and find more happiness and satisfaction.
